Lies

When I was younger my mother always told me that sonner or later everybody gets what he deserves.So whenever i met false people in my life that cheated on me I remembered those words which immediately gave me satisfaction because I knew someday they would get the consequence for their behaviour.
I used to believe in this utopian picture of the world for a long time, until life taught me something different - until the day my mother died.

It was already getting dark when we arrived at the hospital. My father was waiting for us in front of the capital door. "How was your journey?" he asked while he tried to hug Emily, but she refused and pushed him away: "Fine I guess." I wondered how my older sister could be this cold. Of course it was him who left the family one year ago but he came back when our mother needed him the most. He always seemed to be the most important person in her life and I thought there could not be something more beautiful to her than knowing him at her side during the hardest days she had to spend on earth. Although he did not love her anymore he came to the hospital every day to ease her pain - to not let her go lonely out of this world. I am not sure if everybody would do such a thing. He also moved back into our parents house to take care of her cats. In my eyes he seemed nearly like a hero- standing there like a rock in the breakers doing everything he can to make her forget the cancer. I felt sorry for the disappointment Emily caused and touched his back while we were walking.
On the way to my mothers room nobody talked. There was a strange silence lingering around us, to strong to break through. Maybe it just was not the right time or even the right day for talk. It was a day to hush. Silence felt frightening but not nearly as frightening as the thoughts that were going through our minds. My mothers room was small,completely white and had some superfluous furniture in it. I think some stupid fool tried to make it look like a friendly hotelroom which obviously failed. You can not make a bed of flowers out of a grave either.
I could not believe my eyes when my sight hit the bed. My mother was so meagerly that she nearly seemed to drown in the blankets. There was no similiarity between this skeleton and the swinging woman she once was. Her skin looked like leather and her hair was falling out. The eyes I only knew bright and happy had become heavy and full of sorrow. Her strength almost was not sufficient to lift her head. I was not able to step further and staid at the window: "I´ve got a headache from the flight, I need some fresh air." My mother looked right through me; with her shivering voice she assured everything was alright. I guess she rather would have laughed hours under terrible pain than to see us worried and unhappy because of her. This is the way she had lived her whole life. I never met another human as selfless as her. While I was watching my mother still now being more worried about our well-being than hers I was ashamed of myself.
When my sister had called me almost a month ago I firmly believed that my mother would reverse the disease and if not at least still had left some years before she got to weak for life. So I had decided to first end my work in an aid program in Uganda before I took a flight back to Germany.I thought there was so much more time. If only I knew before in what bad shape she was.I had spend four of the last weeks my mother had on this planet miles away from her.Within seconds I got aware of my unbelieveable naivity and selfishness.How could I pretend everything was fine? Why had I not undertstood the seriousness of the situation? I guess people never realize how terrible things are until they are happening straight in front of them. I had to sit down. Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes: My mother was probably going to die - not like I prefered to tell myself one day but maybe already tomorrow.
Suddenly her hand touched mine. "It´s ok." She smiled. Only now I realized I was crying.
Sometimes I wondered wether she could read my mind. There was not a tang of a reproach in her eyes. She knew I was sorry and how much I loved her. There was no need of another word.
We spend 4 hours in the hospital, talked about old stories of my childhood and finally felt like a family again. My father even kissed my mother several times and nothing of it seemed feigned. Everything was so perfect, just to good to be the end of anything. I started to see a new beginning in this whole situation. A chance for us all to grow together. Maybe there was a reason inside this misery. God moves in mysterious ways. Probably he did not want to take her life at all but remind us of how much we owed her. This sure had to be the aim of his plan. My mother was too honest and innocent to let her die in this brutal way.
My hope began to rise again and when we the nurse asked us to leave so that my mother could rest my heart did not feel that heavy anymore.
Outside my father asked wether we felt like going downtown and find a place to get some drinks. Now my sister finally lost her temper: "To celebrate the early payment of her life assurance? If it wasn´t for her I would have stopped this cheesy play weeks ago! I know exactly what kind of game you are playing!" Before he could answer Emily grabed my wrist and teared me down the driveway to her car. She was shaking with anger.After three blocks she finally drove with less speed.
"What is it, Em? Are you going nuts? He does everything he can and all you do is making reproaches??
"Oh Robert. You have no idea!! You´re over twenty now, you can´t seriously be this blind! You really believe he does all this stuff to help mom? You´re acting like you don´t know your own father! You´re completly unaware of what happened here while you have been away."
"Of course I know. He did so much to help mom. I think it´s time for you to forgive him and leave -"
Suddenly I recognized the neighbourhood of my parents house.
"Em? What are you up to? I thought we were spending the night in your flat?"
She looked serious: "I´m gonna make you see the truth."
We stopped in front of the familiar driveway. My sister handed me a key: "Go in"
"This is so ridiciolous!"
"GO IN!" She repeated now much louder.
I gave in and stepped out of the car. Emily did not follow. I had the strange feeling of being left alone. The trees my mother had planted years ago threw scary shadows on the ground up the driveway. Allready as a child i hated to walk this way in the dark. I shivered and teared my jacket closer.This was so much senseless that I got mad with myself for being scared for no reason. When I reached the door I had a goose-flesh anyway.
After I entered the house I could hardly recognize the living room and the adjacent kitchen. Mostly all of the furniture was gone and the darkgreen walls had been overpainted with white color. I whistled but not one of my mothers nine cats appeared.
"He sold them. All."
I jerked and turned around. My sister leaned against the bathroomdoor.
"I...I don´t understand."
"Of course you do. You just don´t want to. Thats a difference.
He´s going to sell the house and leave us with nothing."
"How can you be sure about that? Maybe he just wants to restaurate?"
"Robert how much more indications do you need? Just look around you!
You remember him leaving a year ago? Mom never wanted you to know the true reason.He was with another woman and planed to start a new life with her."
My chin fold down. I knew nothing to say.
Emily went on:
"Last week I found some bank statements from Mom inside the trash can. Shortly after he went away there was a transaction over 10.000 Euros to the account of his new lover.I can only guess he told mom she could keep the house if she paid him the money. It was all of her savings. But that didn´t seem to be enough. A month later there were direct debitings from Madrid, London and Paris. You know Mom and Dad never got divorced and so he still had the access to her account.He enjoyed life with his new girlfriend while mommy had to pay. At this point she is indebted with 60.000 Euros.
"But how could she let him do that?"
"You know the way she is. She loves him more than anything else in this world! Mom would have done everything to make sure hes allright- even if this means to finance the person that made him leave."
"This isn´t just naive. This is incredible stupid."
"Right. I could hardly believe it myself. Maybe he also threated her to claim his share to the house which would mean they had to sell it or she really hoped to get him back this way. How do we know? We can´t ask her in her bad shape.
But the story goes even further. Dad overdraw the account and so Mom couldn´t get any more money. Haven´t you ever thought about why she didn´t went to the doctor earlyer with this inconceivable pain in her whole body? She is a privat patient and this means you have to pay the bill first by yourself but she couldn´t anymore.The bank didn´t give her even one penny! I guess she was to proud to take help from others." She lowered her head. "Not even from her daughter." she added.When she looked up she had tears in her eyes.
I opened my mouth to speak, but not a single word dropped off my lips.
Emily caught herself directly: "Are you aware of what that means?"
I nodded and at the same time was grateful she did not speak it out.
My father was partly to blame for this whole misery and even took advantage of it. He fooled everybody and still did not have any regrets. It filled me with revulsion that I had certainly felt sorry for this hypocritical bastard at the hospital. I never felt such a fury inside myself. My sister looked worried. I hated her for withholding these informations. I hated my mother for being so incredible naive and proud. Were they just to stupid to tell? I vented my rage on the wall. Again and again my fist hit against it. There was no control anymore. WHY DID SHE NOT TELL? I could not stop screaming.
Finally my sister overpowered me. I sank into her knees.
"What can we do? We can´t let him get through with this!" I cried.
"I fear we have to. All we can do is hoping she won´t die and realise what kind of person he is when she gets better."
"This isn´t fair. Thats not the way it goes. The good are given good things.Everybody gets what he deserves don´t you know?"
My father was bad.He was the one that was supposed to lie in the hospital.Not my mother.

It seemed like we staied for hours on the floor before Emilys mobile phone rang. It was the doctor in attendance. My mother died at 3:47 alone and heartbroken in the dark.